On rape: how do we frame the discussion?
Apr. 17th, 2009 11:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mollyporterSo there have been some discussions about rape lately, sparked largely by the new movie "Observe & Report" (aka the mall cop movie without Paul Blart. A movie which, full disclosure, I have not and do not intend to see). It's got me thinking about the discussion of rape and sexual assault as I have seen it. A lot of what I'm responding to is the blog entry Observe & Report: On Real Rape over at the blogspot Tiger Beatdown.
There's this question that the author's "not feminist enough" friend poses at the beginning of her entry: Do feminists have to be careful about using the word "rape" too much? And it goes on to describe a scenario of guy having sex with a woman while she's unconscious, but because she was attracted to him and intended to sleep with him eventually, it wasn't *really* rape. To which you, I, the author of the blog, and anyone else who's spent 5 minutes thinking about sexual consent go "oh yes, it most definitely was." and then the friend goes "wow, cuz that's what happened to me last weekend"
... Is it just me, or was that framed a little too much like a punchline for your comfort?
What gets me, though, is that the author goes on to completely fail to address that her friend doesn't see that sexual experience as rape. She goes on to *bemoan* the fact that so few women recognize their negative sexual experiences as rape, or their sexual experiences with dubious consent whether or not the individual views that experience as negative. And then she moves on to talk about how movie representations exacerbate this problem. Yeah. Movie representations of date rape are problematic. Rape as a punchline is problematic. But you know what else is problematic? Failing to account for a variety of ways that individuals can experience and emotionally react to the same or very similar events.
In a lot of discussions about rape I have heard/read/&c., there the assumption of a forceful negative emotional reaction. Some women who have been raped suffer from PTSD. Some women sink into depression. Some develop emotionally crippling trust issues, some get panic attacks, some are irrationally angry or frightened. All of that is true. You know what else is true? Some women who have been sexually assaulted are JUST FINE.
The problem, though, is that even if they are just fine, what happened to them was not. And by defining the *act* of rape by issues of consent, but the *individuals* who have been raped by a NOT UNIVERSAL emotional reaction, there is bound to be some confusion. And by pushing those strong reactions onto all survivors (which is kind of a loaded term, implying that being raped is akin to having your life endangered - again, sometimes apt, but not always) of sexual assault, we let those women who don't have those feelings about their experiences go on thinking that what happened to them was just fine. They don't have a deep sense of distrust, they still flirt, they can still laugh at a rape joke, they can get out of bed in the morning and go on with their day so how on earth could what happened to them have been rape? And if it wasn't rape, then why was it wrong?
But the fact is that it IS wrong for anyone to have sex with a partner who hasn't consented. Full, informed, and ONGOING consent is necessary for any sexual act to be ok. It is absolutely NOT OK for the girl at that party who just wanted to kiss a little to suddenly find herself topless with a hand up her skirt, for her to receive platitudes like "shh... don't fight it" or "just relax baby" when she tries to say "wait" or "slow down" or "stop". But when she goes back to her dorm the next morning, she won't be greeted with concern. She'll be congratulated or teased, or maybe nobody will think anything of it at all. And - if she's like a lot of other girls in her position - she won't feel alienated or damaged, she won't feel like her life was in danger, that she was violated. She won't think that she was raped. But what happened to her was still wrong.
At the same time, does it help her to tell her that she should feel damaged? Will it make her a healthier person to convince her that she's been violated, that she should feel like some story on the 10 o'clock news? That she should look back on that night with shame and disgust? How do we tell this girl and others like her that the sexual experiences she is having are wrong and not expect her to turn that around on all sex? How do we encourage her to be sex-positive, to own her sexuality, to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE between consensual and coerced sex and to not be afraid to seek out the former if we start by telling her that she is a victim, and we take the power she felt she had out of all her past sexual experiences?
So we get back to the core issue: How do we frame the conversation? When does a person identify as a victim of rape? Do we have the right to dictate whether she ought to feel like a victim? How do we go about encouraging healthy sexual behavior? Because men need to understand that they are not entitled to a woman's body, but women need to understand that, too.
There's this question that the author's "not feminist enough" friend poses at the beginning of her entry: Do feminists have to be careful about using the word "rape" too much? And it goes on to describe a scenario of guy having sex with a woman while she's unconscious, but because she was attracted to him and intended to sleep with him eventually, it wasn't *really* rape. To which you, I, the author of the blog, and anyone else who's spent 5 minutes thinking about sexual consent go "oh yes, it most definitely was." and then the friend goes "wow, cuz that's what happened to me last weekend"
... Is it just me, or was that framed a little too much like a punchline for your comfort?
What gets me, though, is that the author goes on to completely fail to address that her friend doesn't see that sexual experience as rape. She goes on to *bemoan* the fact that so few women recognize their negative sexual experiences as rape, or their sexual experiences with dubious consent whether or not the individual views that experience as negative. And then she moves on to talk about how movie representations exacerbate this problem. Yeah. Movie representations of date rape are problematic. Rape as a punchline is problematic. But you know what else is problematic? Failing to account for a variety of ways that individuals can experience and emotionally react to the same or very similar events.
In a lot of discussions about rape I have heard/read/&c., there the assumption of a forceful negative emotional reaction. Some women who have been raped suffer from PTSD. Some women sink into depression. Some develop emotionally crippling trust issues, some get panic attacks, some are irrationally angry or frightened. All of that is true. You know what else is true? Some women who have been sexually assaulted are JUST FINE.
The problem, though, is that even if they are just fine, what happened to them was not. And by defining the *act* of rape by issues of consent, but the *individuals* who have been raped by a NOT UNIVERSAL emotional reaction, there is bound to be some confusion. And by pushing those strong reactions onto all survivors (which is kind of a loaded term, implying that being raped is akin to having your life endangered - again, sometimes apt, but not always) of sexual assault, we let those women who don't have those feelings about their experiences go on thinking that what happened to them was just fine. They don't have a deep sense of distrust, they still flirt, they can still laugh at a rape joke, they can get out of bed in the morning and go on with their day so how on earth could what happened to them have been rape? And if it wasn't rape, then why was it wrong?
But the fact is that it IS wrong for anyone to have sex with a partner who hasn't consented. Full, informed, and ONGOING consent is necessary for any sexual act to be ok. It is absolutely NOT OK for the girl at that party who just wanted to kiss a little to suddenly find herself topless with a hand up her skirt, for her to receive platitudes like "shh... don't fight it" or "just relax baby" when she tries to say "wait" or "slow down" or "stop". But when she goes back to her dorm the next morning, she won't be greeted with concern. She'll be congratulated or teased, or maybe nobody will think anything of it at all. And - if she's like a lot of other girls in her position - she won't feel alienated or damaged, she won't feel like her life was in danger, that she was violated. She won't think that she was raped. But what happened to her was still wrong.
At the same time, does it help her to tell her that she should feel damaged? Will it make her a healthier person to convince her that she's been violated, that she should feel like some story on the 10 o'clock news? That she should look back on that night with shame and disgust? How do we tell this girl and others like her that the sexual experiences she is having are wrong and not expect her to turn that around on all sex? How do we encourage her to be sex-positive, to own her sexuality, to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE between consensual and coerced sex and to not be afraid to seek out the former if we start by telling her that she is a victim, and we take the power she felt she had out of all her past sexual experiences?
So we get back to the core issue: How do we frame the conversation? When does a person identify as a victim of rape? Do we have the right to dictate whether she ought to feel like a victim? How do we go about encouraging healthy sexual behavior? Because men need to understand that they are not entitled to a woman's body, but women need to understand that, too.
